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| Tuesday, December 1st, 2009 | | 8:02 am |
To hell with NANOWRIMO
Seriously, what it says in the title. Whoever decided to put NANOWRIMO right in the middle of the holiday clusterfuck ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8X7e7rUJOA) can just go right ahead and die in a fire. Or in a pit full of scorpions. Or in a put full of scorpions lit on fire. So I am officially declaring war on arbitrary fucking deadlines for writing projects when you have this other thing called life to manage at the same time. I'll work on my project until it gets done, and to hell with how much some stupid month says I should write. One consequence of this is you'll continue to see random snip its of my writing popping up here. This is strictly for my own reference. When I'm mostly done, I expect to cobble these random snips together with my offline writing, raise the platoform into the sky on a stormy night, and cackle madly as my creation is brought to life! LIFE! Then....edit the fuck out of the thing, because the writing will be disjointed as hell. But point is, I'll work on it when I can, and it will be done. And by god it ain't over until I say its over. | | Friday, November 6th, 2009 | | 8:35 am |
So....hypothetically speaking....
If a guy who wanted to hang out with folks in San Marcos had lost his book of phone numbers but still wanted to maybe hang out tonight or tomorrow and knew one of those guys actually kept up with his LJ (a guy who in this example we will call Stefan) and therefore might see this message, what time(s) and/or days might said hanging out take place, if any at all? You know, hypothetically speaking. | | Thursday, October 29th, 2009 | | 9:18 am |
The Point
Its weird. For about a year there's been a lot of things I've stressed over and put a lot of passion into. And I continue to stress over them and put passion into them- stories, hobbies, and people....and I realized today that I don't even know why any more. I think at one time there was a point to trying so hard....but I honestly don't know what it was. I think maybe I wanted to 'keep up' with everyone else- I wanted to 'show' I had really done something, was doing something amazing or cool or great. I was looking for recognition, maybe. But the thing is- I don't think what I do makes any difference. The people who recognize what's awesome about me, those people already did. And the ones who never noticed before certainly aren't paying any more attention now. I think I always told myself there was some kind of finish line, that if you could just cross it you'd be set. I don't really know what 'set' means in this context- maybe that I wouldn't worry about money? That I'd see all the people I want to see? That I'd shed my insecurities and fears, lose my bad habits, somehow unlock the code that turns me into a sauve badass? I dunno. I think maybe I wanted to think that the struggles and inner conflicts I had been dealing with could be put to rest instead of having to be confronted every day like a boss respawning in a game. But, while I have no doubt I'll change as I get older, I think the deepest scars in me are always going to be there. Its less about how much distance I can put between them and more about how much I can lift, because I think I'll carry this forever. The best I can hope for is that I can get used to the weight. Of late I've been wondering if there's some things I just need to give up on. Story ideas to name one. Hobbies, like photography, to name another. And people, to name one more. But I just don't know. Do I need a reason to keep doing what I do? My photography for instance. I've been lax about it for a long time now. And yet, I look back...I've taken some really good photos. Part of me wants to keep doing it because what I have done I've done well, even if my original intentions have changed. That can be said of my writing and my story ideas too. I just don't know what I WANT to write right now. People are the hardest things. Do I just shrug and move on when my friends frustrate me? Do I stay silent when I feel like I'm being shoved around? Do I reach out do people when I feel like they can't be bothered to give a damn about me? I think the point was, once upon a time, that if I kept reaching about to people they would reach back. That enough hope and effort and faith would pay off. Some ways, I suppose it has. I have folk I can count on. But a) I wonder if I need as much support as I did when I first stepped blurry eyed into college, or even when I went through that dark, painful time of confusion and terror that served as the unkind transition from college senior to guy in the real world needing work; and b) frankly, I wonder if I ever really got what I was looking for when I first started acting that way. So, I'm confronting this question. I'm a long way from the green fool I was, though you might not know it the way I bumble about from time to time. When the original point of hanging onto a friend is gone (since no one ever stays the same, and the things that bonded to people together won't endure that change) how do you measure when to hang on and when to let go? Every relationship you have will fulfill something in you, but every relationship also gives you baggage. Which ones are worth the keeping? | | Sunday, October 11th, 2009 | | 9:36 am |
Stranger things
Its safe to say, life has had its ups and downs this year. There are days I can feel myself shackled to old insecurities, the ghosts of doubts and fears that no longer have a reference in my life. There are days old grudges bring on a rage without a cause. And yet recently, those doldrums have less and less hold over me. I'm confident, I'm strong. The expected walls that arise whenever I want to move forward- those walls aren't there anymore. I doubt anyone can ever truly be ready for the future- too much is unforeseen. The trick is- I'm not afraid to face it anymore, because I've seen what I'm capable of and I have a goal and a plan. And I've worked hard, and I've earned some level of respite from my own demons. So, today I give voice to something that's been building for awhile. My depression, my fear, and my sorrow- I scatter them on the wind. No doubt I'll still have bad days- but too often I've left then shred the gains I make in my own mind down to dust. From now on, I know in my heart the work I've done is good and meaningful. Let that serve as the bulwark against my doubts. I won't be held back anymore- and more than that I will not fear the things I cannot control, and I will not use those things as an excuse not to try. There is a limit, as with everyone, to what I can do and who I can be. But how much more miserable, how much more forlorn would it be to hold back, to not try and live with a half-hearted life? No, I have my goals, I have my ambitions, and their sheer audacity is not enough to hold me in check anymore. This is far from the first beginning of my story. Indeed, it stands on the backs of all the starts and stops, all the truimphs and tragedies, all the hopes and fears, all the lies and truths that have preceded it. But it is still a beginning, a renewal of promises made and a recognition of promises kept. So once again, I'm going to see where the path leads. | | Friday, October 9th, 2009 | | 1:09 pm |
And about Obama...no idea how to feel!
So, Obama won a Nobel Peace Prize this morning. Here's what i think of Obama. I think a black man in the white house is a milestone in American history and politics, and in many ways a remarkable one. I think there are many good people in this country, but I think there's also a lot of nasty people and things hiding in every town, things not easy to see (unless you get on the internet, in which the ugly gets a lot more vocal). I think it speaks great things of us that Obama was elected despite the pull of those ugly things away from that victory. I think Obama is inspiring. He is well spoken, charismatic, and has many laudable goals. I think he understands intrinsically what his predessor never really mastered, despite some promise towards the end- the power of diplomacy. He knows how to be an orator, but also how to be a bargainer. This is not always an easy thing to accept- I see talk of 'cowtowing' to China and Russia and Iran, and I have to shake my head. Very few people seem to realize, if there's a chance to make headway in those places, come to resolutions, it won't start with utter refusal to bend on every point. 90% of diplomacy is to start with stakes bigger than you want, find ways to give up some things and gain others, essentially haggle your way to a treaty or an aggreement. Its not at all satisfying- everyone loses something, no one gains all they want. But its the way to play the game. I think Obama is ambitious...to a fault, perhaps. Afghanistan, Guantonimo, climate change, health care, the Palestian state, the Recession, the olympics....these are important issues, and some of them need serious and fast attention....but all in one term? All in the first nine months? Your the president of the United States, not Superman. You can't accomplish all these tasks. It better to focus on the battles most vital (first and foremost) then most important to you and your legacy. I don't believe in everything you are doing. Holding prisoners without trial is an attrocity of the last administration that you should abolish, not keep around like a restless ghost. Inflating the debt? Arguably necessary to bring the recession back around....but by god find a way to deal with it. Banks too big to fail? Well, fucking make them smaller then. Seriously, if the stupid bastards hadn't been so large they couldn't collapse without shattering the whole world economy, then we wouldn't have had to intervene in the first place, right? Why on earth do we still have these juggernauts looming overhead bigger than before no that the ones that didn't fail have bought up the ones that did. Wouldn't smaller, more numerous banks be better? But I digress. I get from Obama a level of sincerity rare in a politician (keeping in mind, a sincere politician is STILL a politician), a man with a heart a little bigger than his means, an orator who's largely restored America's esteem in the world, and a historical landmark. And yet, I don't think he deserves the Peaceprize. Its just too damn soon. He has many DESIRES, many possible goals that could make him deserving of that honor...but dreams and stated objectives are a hollow second to achievements. I think Obama is a man that CAN achieve great things....but I don't think we're there yet. But I got hope for the future. | | 7:51 am |
A Naruto Scientologist
Okay, for anyone that cares, this post contains some pretty freaking huge ass spoilers for naruto. As in, the "final boss" has given a spiel about his evil plans. Turn back now if you want to be surprised. Seriously. ............ Okie dokie. Okay, so....the chapter so far as focused on Sasuke going on what I think is essentially a suicidal rampage through what amounts to the Naruto world peace conference- all five Kages of all five major countries are meeting to decide what to do about Akatsuki and abducting their poor tailed beast hosts. So we've had a lot of fighting, a lot of Sasuke shooting off his Sharingan and probably going fucking himself up in the process....in the best parts, Gaara is trying to reason with him, but when that doesn't seem to work he more or less sighs and tosses a million gallons of Sand at Sasuke- which just reinforces my take that Gaara is sort of the half-way point between Naruto and Sasuke. Anyway, Sasuke is trying to get to the current Hokage....a guy name of Danzou....who may or may not have had something to do with Itachi killing the Uchiha clan, and thus is a target for Sasuke's vengeance. (Then again, Sasuke isn't exactly the most coherent right now. He killed Itachi several chapters back, but Tobi (the apparent founder of Akatsuki) captured him soon after and told him the world he knew was more or less completely backward. According to him, Itachi was commissioned by Konoha to kill the Uchiha clan because the Uchihas were planning a rebellion. Which inspired much consternation from me (oh wow, so Itachi killed old men, women and children, including his own mother, because Konoha need him to...yeah, big fucking hero!). Danzou was the one who orchestrated it. So, Sasuke not only has to deal with being the last member of his clan, having epic survivor guilt, having this fucked up idea that being close to people makes him weak (read- scared shitless that if he gets close to people, something will kill them and leave him alone again); now he also gets to wonder if Itachi wasn't ACTUALLY a monster and if he just killed the last member of his family in cold blood for nothing at all. Or maybe Tobi is lying through his teeth. Either way, Sasuke is one seriously fucked up dude right now.) So Sasuke runs out of juice, as one would expect when fighting the five most powerful nins from the five most powerful countries. Tobi bursts in (he has an as yet unexplained ability to teleport and or go insubstantial, wee) and grabs Sasuke. He teleports Sasuke away, but stays behind and decides to spend the rest of the chapter expositing his evil plans. First off, he introduces himself as "really" Madara Uchiha, founder of clan Uchiha and co-founder of the Hidden Leaf Village. He's pissy because his clan betrayed him and sided with Konoha over whether they should control the country or leave it up to the Hokage. He then goes on to explain that the Uchihas have this scroll that can be read if you have various eye techniques. According to this scroll....and while I was reading this I couldn't help but picture the words "THIS IS WHAT MADARA UCHIHA REALLY BELIEVES!!!!" flashing on my screen ala the Southpark episode on Scientology....according to the scroll there was once a great Sage. He found an evil "ten tailed" uber cosmic horror, and had a fight with it. Then he sealed it inside himself. He knew this wouldn't be enough to keep it from destroying the world, so he then bisected it into 9 less powerful beasts, after founding all ninjutsu in the world and (wait for it!) tossing the body of the ten tailed beast into the sky where it became...the moon. The fucking moon. So yeah. Great. Busy guy, that. Anyway, so yeah- the nine tailed beast holders in the series, including Naruto, all came from this one ten tailed beast. As each of those nine has an increasing number of tails, apparently this means that in Japan 9+8+7+6+5+4+3+2+1= 10. Go figure. Anyway, Tobi wants to recapture the tailed beasts hosts, suck out the monsters, and then join with the uber 10 tails. But wait, this gets better. Up till now, its been reasonable, the moon notwithstanding. But Tobi doesn't JUST want to be an ultra powerful fuck head. Oh no. See, this will give him enough chakra to....oh god....to use his power to reawaken the body of the tailed beast on the moon....and then use his bloodline to unite his sharigan with the beast....and turn the moon into a giant sharingan. Then he can use the ultra illusion thingy to....hypnotise the world...and, in his words "become one with him". This, he says, will create lasting peace. "THIS IS WHAT MADARA UCHIHA REALLY FUCKING BELIEVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Okay, let's ignore the pure absurdity of that plan, how convoluted and round about and bizarre it is. Let's see its possible- let's say you really can turn the moon into a giant eyeball. Okay, now the moon's a giant eyeball. Now what? Hurray, you manage to hypnotise the people that are out....at night, and happen to look at the moon. Assuming they aren't blind. And there are no clouds in the sky. And they're on the half of the world facing the moon at the time you enact this bit of dumb. Congrats. Please enjoy the 12 hours you will have control of your army before the sun comes up. So the conversation continues. Tobi demands that they turn over the Kyuubi and the other remaining 8 tailed beast. Someone points out that this plan isn't really peace, its putting the world under Tobi's control. Tobi points out that the Kages haven't done much better in establishing peace, and that hope is just a comforting lie. Gaara says they won't abandon hope to him, and refuses to support ever giving up Naruto (to the surprise of no one). I feel I need to point out, once again, as Tobi mocks them for believing in hope, that he believes that getting possessed by a giant fusion of nine demons will let him turn the moon into his eyeball. I just wanted to point that out again- that Mr. Sharimoon no jutsu is mocking people for believing in silly things. So, naturally, everyone refuses, sort of like everyone who passes the guy on the street with the "end is near" sign ignores him. So then Tobi declares "This is a declaration of war. Let the 4th great ninja war begin". Which I suppose technically is true, since he's pissed off pretty much every country in the Narutoverse....but I didn't realize "war" could mean "one crazypants guy getting beaten on by all the countries he's been pissing on". Okay, you could argue World War 2 falls under that heading, but even Hitler had a country and an army. What's this guy got? Let's see, there's Akatsuki....except Sakura killed the evil puppet man, Shikimaru "killed" the immortal guy (yes, I count having your body blown up and your still living head buried forever as 'dead' for this one), Naruto killed the patchwork freak, Sasuke killed the explodey man, naruto killed the leader (every last one of him!), and the leader's girlfriend got hit by "empassioned Naruto speech" and abandoned the cause. And Sasuke is "in" Akatsuki the way Bendict Arnold was "in" the US military, so no help there. So Tobi's army consists of....Freaky Fish guy and the wonder twins. Quite the army ya got there, Mr. Uchiha.Granted, some of these guys are probably really strong, but come on. In the past its taken, at most, four or five guys to fight off an Akatsuki. Twenty dudes is not exactly an army here. | | Monday, October 5th, 2009 | | 12:22 pm |
Hurray for Parking Space!
There comes a time when events transpire so monumental and awe inspiring in the life of a man, so singularly important and life changing, that he will mark all times every after as "that day that that thing happened on". This was one such day, the day I officially became a MAN in the eyes of my coworkers. For today, a day projected to occur not for another 3 and 1/2 years....today I was given my official parking space. Yes! Granted, it is a space about as far from our office as my usual parking space....but then again it looks like that area is gonna get turned into metered parking, so it all evens out. Me? I'm just happy I had to wait literally half the time I thought I would for this baby! | | Friday, October 2nd, 2009 | | 12:43 pm |
| | 11:27 am |
The eternal paradox
A dilema then. Shall I go out tonight, have fun and celebrate the relative kick ass, bitchin day this is turning out to be thanks to some awesome good fortune....or do I spend the evening cleaning things up and otherwise do the stuff I've been neglecting to do all week because the rest of the week hasn't been so kickass? Life is nothing if not a paradox. Perhaps I'll just celebrate while doing my neglected duties. I'm morbidly curious how hard it would be to clean up a house while drinking heavily.... | | Saturday, August 22nd, 2009 | | 12:01 am |
| | Tuesday, August 11th, 2009 | | 1:39 pm |
Circling
Doubt. This is my one constant companion, forever dogging my heels, whispering in my ear, whittling away my plans. Sometimes it will cling to me so tightly it bogs me down, crushes me under its weight, wraps itself so tightly I can barely breath. Sometimes its just a shadow, one I can banish as easily as turning on a light, but one that knows where to hide so it can slip back in when my light dims. But its never left me, never let me find the zen of honest confidence in my work or my life. No matter what I do or where I go, I'll always wonder- can't I do it better? Isn't there something more? The days are counting down now. My birthday is on its way. I'll be 28 at the end of this month. Its hard not to wonder on days like this if there's not something profoundly wrong with me. I work, I go home. I waste my days on foreign films and digitally manufactured stories. Throughout my life, I've made no meaningful long term relationships. Socially I'm awkward and witless, more like an elephant stumbling in the dark than anything else. The things I enjoy- writing, photography, reading- I seem to have no energy for it. From time to time I think perhaps I should return to something, indeed I resolve to do it. My resolutions are a joke- they begin strong but erode to nothing over the course of a day, or vanish like my dream sometime between falling asleep that night and waking with the morning when I swore I'd pursue them. I wonder if I've offered anything meaningful to the world- even something meaningful to a little piece of it. I wonder, and I doubt. Stories are harder to tell than they need to be. I find myself working like nothing more than a goat herder. One sentences, meant to offer a brief perspective on a character, balloons into a dozen paragraphs, which soon all but hijack the story until it becomes impossible for the characters to move from point a to point b. Characters like to steal my stories, tell their own tales. And in the end I'm forced to exorcise one sentence then another until I have to kill even the original statement- because I find no way to make it without wondering off with this solitary character down paths that have no end. Once i had whole days to devote to this- I could afford these strange tangents. Now I have hours, at best, to get where I want to be. And I never seem to be satisfied with where I end up. | | Wednesday, August 5th, 2009 | | 9:28 am |
A week in the life....
This week is going is some strange directions. Some good, some weird, some I dunno about yet. My computer, maybe, is going to be okay. This is news because the thing has been virused up the virtual wazoo for weeks and weeks now. Google searches have been redirected, more viruses are downloaded, information is recorded, whole drives were being cut off. I was terrified I wouldn't even be able to save my own files- like writing and photo galleries. Christine, computer badass that she is, found a program to scan the start up programs, where the virus was hiding. Found at least 4 separate programs that had wormed their way in there. All the same, I think I'm going to back up my programs and reinstall windows. I just feel like totally coming clean with this, just to be sure. Fresh starts have an odd appeal recently. I said goodbye to a good friend yesterday. We played some lazer tag and saw a movie at the Alamo Drafthouse. From this I learned a few things- I still have fun in groups, in spite of some conflicting feelings and misgivings involving my own social retardation. I also learned that two drinks will make one's movie going experience much more fun, since I was the only one that didn't think Funny People needed desperately to end half an hour before it did (albeit I do remember thinking there was a HUGE gear shift at one point in the movie and that certain characters could have been introduced well before their introduction). Mostly though, I had fun with people I don't often have fun with. And it was good. Last night was spent half-asleep with a story in my head that wouldn't go away. Then I had a dream about certain animes I watched in the 1990s which, somehow, move on to a group of people on a farm trying to save it with the introduction of bees. Somehow this was a natural progression and made total sense, but the logic and the important parts of the dream that connected these events are of course gone. I woke up at 5:00 am when the bee queen was discovered to be the size of my face and, of course, decided to land on my head the moment this discovery was made because my subconscious is a freaking bastard. I didn't get back to sleep after that. Good news is I was inspired to pick up a can of raid before I head to work. Which brings us to now, I suppose. Wonder what happens today? | | Tuesday, July 21st, 2009 | | 7:49 am |
| | Thursday, July 16th, 2009 | | 8:09 am |
My morning
My morning can best be summed up in a single word. YYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWNNN NNNNNNNNNNNNNN. | | Sunday, June 28th, 2009 | | 7:12 pm |
Things I need...
I think the two things I need in life most are patience and determination. Determination, to keep moving forward even when its a pain in the ass. Patience....to keep moving forward even when its a pain in the ass. Here's a little update on my gallery. Feels like a stone's age since I tickered with it. http://nothri.deviantart.com/ | | Friday, June 19th, 2009 | | 7:02 pm |
Vampires
If you don't know what this is or why its here, then you don't need to care.... Name: Henri Nature: Loner Demeanor: Caregiver Generation: 13 Clan: Tzmisce Strength: ooo Dex: ooo Stamina: oo Charisma: oo Manipulation: oo Appearance: oo Perception: ooo Intelligence: oooo Wits: ooo Talents: Dodge o Empathy oo Streetwise o Brawl o Skills: Crafts ooo Melee oo Stealth oo Security oo Knowledge: Academics oo Investigation oo Medicine oooo Occult ooo Science oo Disciplines: Vissicitude ooo Auspex: ooo Backgrounds: Influence: 000 Herd: oo Virtues: Conscience ooooo Self-Control oooo Courage oo Flaws: Sire's Resentment 1 Enemy-1 Probationary Sect Member 4 | | Wednesday, June 10th, 2009 | | 12:14 pm |
Okay, fine.
Yes, I admit it. I need to do it. All right? Is that what you wanted to hear? IS IT?? You win! I'll do it! Are you happy?? Are you mother%%^ happy NOW? You've cornered me, and now you'll drag me kicking and screaming into 2009. Fine. Go ahead. I'll see you all in hell, god dammit! Yeah, its about time I got a cell phone. I'll look into it next week after I gets my paycheck. | | Friday, June 5th, 2009 | | 3:05 pm |
Week needs to end.....
I cannot describe this week in terms that feel adequate. The entire week has been filled with people trying to make up for things they should have done last month. On top of that, there's this particular thing I do involving child support forms...all very boring. All you need to know is that these things come in almost every day, and they usually come in batches of 50 to 100 documents when they do. Due to a financial stupidity that happens at the beginning of each month, we've had to wait to process them. The financial thing got finished today. Which means I have 1 week's worth of these things on my desk ready to be processed. In summation, this week has been about the equivalent amount of fun as rocks falling from the sky and hitting me in nuts. I've decided. Come hell or high water, I'm going to the great North (Dallas) next week and visiting the people there. Just been too damn long, and I've been saying i will and saying I will and its just damn time to follow through. Also, toying with hitting up community theatre. Almost literally on a whim. See what comes of that, I suppose. | | Monday, June 1st, 2009 | | 2:29 pm |
Ever get that feeling...
I've been neglecting this journal for awhile, haven't I? Hmmm....let's remedy this. Here's an assortment of thoughts. Naruto: The story of a boy learning how to be a ninja. There was something strangely charming about the ludicrious premise when it first came out. It quickly became apparent that this show, although one of those "fighty-fighty" kinds of anime, had a lot of depth that goes missing from a series. Fast forward a few years later, and I'm literally the only person I know who keeps up with it. And I'm no longer entirely sure why. It feels more like a Vigil for a dying friend than a series I eagerly look forward to every month. This has only gotten worse given the most recent arc, which was at times pure agony to get through with characters being dumb for the sake of the plot and the key villain having the emotional depth of a particularly angsty block of wood. The plot felt hastily thrown together to give the main character something to see eye to eye about with the other main character (in this case, losing several loved ones at once and trying to cope with the desire for revenge). The villain's main appeal was less about personality and more about his ability to beat the crap out of things (oh, and maybe his talent for blowing things up to a ludicrious degree). The problem here is that this series has always been about the characters more than the fighting. yes, its meant to be a fighting anime, but what was great about it was that it was never afraid to pause its epic battle arc to tell us why character X was so fucked up. This time the fighting approaches the absurdly powerful (inching into Dragonballz territory more often than I liked) and the backstory was so generic it just bored me to death. While no villain in Naruto has ever had a "good" reason for his actions, most of them at least become sympathetic when you understand what made them the giant ball of crazy they are today. Pain, the villain of this arc, never had a good reason for what he was doing. He doesn't do crazy as well as villains like Gaara did, but his plots are too off the wall to be considered rational. He's basically a nihilistic idiot we're shoe horned into talking to because the main character doesn't have the common sense to squish him when he has the opportunity. I think I need a new series. I want to stick with this one, but the stories are getting stretched thinner and thinner. I worry that we're running out of ideas, and pretty soon we're going to end up with superpowered monkeys fighting transforming squid men on Namek as its about to explode. Writing: I've been doing a LOT of it lately. But its not really anything worth sharing with the general public. One story I started with a simple concept. And I kept adding onto it, to make it more logical for the two characters in question to be where they were having the conversation they were having. This turned into a 100 plus page epic, for a story whose concept is frankly not worth that much effort. I essentially kept with it because I was bored and my brain wouldn't shut up about it. I'm of two minds on this. Part of me thinks any writing you do is good, because it allows you to find your own voice and articulate your thoughts much better than you would have if you just spent 5 minutes jotting something down (like, say, making an LJ post!). On the other hand...its an awfully large amount of time to devote to a story that's ultimately pure drivel that I flatly refuse to let any eyes but mine ever see. Its also disheartening to notice that its the silly and stupid stuff that ultimately gets me to write and devote time and attention to a story, when I have all sorts of bigger ideas and plots rolling in my head. I don't really follow my own logic- idle daydream trumps grounded story? Really? Eh. I leave it to smarter people than me to figure out how my brain works. I'm just here for the ride. The Act of Doing: I've taken a more proactive role recently when it comes to getting things done. I'm trying not to wait on things these days. I'm looking to get out, get things done. Pay the bills now instead of tomorrow, get the clothes you need now and not next week. Its sounds so basic to say, but its annoyingly difficult to accomplish. I've begun to wonder if my mind is just naturally lazy, or if doesn't like doing anything unless its a herculean challenge of strength and endurance. I seem to wait for all my mole hills to be mountains before I take a wack at them. Well, I've decided this is just a stupid way to live, so I'm trying hard not to let that happen. Life is, frankly, just better without the worry hanging over my head. Well, I guess that's enough for now. More thoughts as they come. | | Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009 | | 10:50 am |
Combining two forces
Recently I've been neglecting (once again) the photography in favor of writing. This has been poking at my brain for awhile. It occured to me, however, that I could make this an opportunity. I write about many things, some of them quite random. I suffer for a lack of inspiration at times. Perhaps one could feed into the other- write a little and use the writing to inspire a photo project, then use the photos to inspire my writing. Some of my writing projects could definitely use some illustrations, and some of my photos seem to tell a story. If it works, it could be something really great. If it doesn't...ah, heck, who cares if it doesn't. It something new and different to try. |
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